


"Jay"

by Hayloft (Auriel)



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alex is a good friend and also the dad friend, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Possibly OOC, Pre-Canon, Trans Character, deadnaming, for all you fellow Jay's you can imagine your deadname here if it helps :), mention of unhealthy binding, pre-operator, the deadnaming is redacted because in my original file it's my ACTUAL deadname, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25230892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auriel/pseuds/Hayloft
Summary: Cringing internally, Jay simply smiled. After all, it’d all be over in a couple days. They wouldn’t have to hear that name again.---Not beta read and likely ooc, please be careful of the tags!
Relationships: Jay Merrick & Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	"Jay"

_‘Today’s the day, Jay’_

Frowning with a sigh, the tightly wound ball of anxiety in their stomach seemed to triple. Rolling out of bed, they quickly walk over into their bathroom. Everyone was supposed to head over to Brian’s soon for some prep before Marble Hornets, so it looked like that’s where it’d happen. Being as quick as possible, he hurriedly brushed out their hair and threw on some clothes. Making sure to grab his signature hat, they grabbed their keys and went out the door.

They knew they had no reason so fear rejection, at least from Alex that is. Alex and him had been friends for multiple years, this ~~hopefully~~ wouldn’t change that. Now, Brian, Tim, and the others? He had absolutely no clue on what to expect. For all he knew, they’d not only ditch him, but Marble Hornets as a whole!

...Okay, that’s being a bit dramatic, but anxiety doesn’t listen to reason. He knew this from the countless years he’s been stuck dealing with it. All too soon, they’d arrived at Brian’s house. Getting out of his car, he let a bit of his pent up energy out by _slightly_ slamming the car door. Getting closer, he could hear the chaos that was their friend group. Shaking his head fondly, he pounded on the door. _God knows you have to be loud to be heard here._ Alex was the first to open the door, turning to yell over his shoulder.

“Hey guys! [REDACTED]’s here!” _the discomfort grew, they felt like they wanted to crawl out of their skin and internally they wretched._

“Haha, hey guys..” Awkwardly walking in, he quickly took a seat on the couch. Almost going into sensory overload, he managed to speak up just loud enough for Tim to hear him. “Actually guys, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you guys about…” The noise didn’t die down, if anything it grew. Tim had noticed though, and quickly stood up to yell over the commotion.

“HEY EVERYONE, [REDACTED]’S GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY” _the sentiment was nice, but hearing that name thatnamethATNAMETHATNAME-_ Taking a deep breath, he decided to get it over with.

“Actually, it’s Jay.” Well, if that hadn’t gotten everyone’s attention, this certainly did. The tension was almost unbearable, but luckily Sarah chose that moment to walk in with snacks.

“Hey guys, what’d I miss?” Standing hesitantly, it seemed she’d noticed the brief silence before she walked in. After a second of hesitation she set the platter down and grabbed the armchair next to the soffa that Alex and him were sitting on. _Well, on the bright side, now all you have to do is explain._

“I’m uh… I’m trans… transgender that is. Long story short, please call me Jay and use either they/them, or he/him to talk about me.” Opening his eyes, _when did they close_ , he tried to get a good read on everyone’s expressions. To his surprise he got a lot of blank looks. “Uh… guys?” Alex seemed to be the first to react, unsurprisingly as they’d been friends the longest. He already had gotten a good deal of information on how Alex worked. He liked to have the information he could for a situation, not being afraid to be blunt or ask questions. There was even that time he made a full on chart to describe the situation.

“What does transgender mean? And does this have to do with why you’ve been changing your appearance recently?”

“Yea, I’m what they refer to as FtM, female to male, or otherwise known as a trans guy. Long story short, I’m a guy not a girl. I’m thinking of medically transitioning soon, too.” Noticing the raised eyebrow, he took that as his cue to explain more, “medical transitioning can either be things such as top or bottom genital surgery or hormone replacement therapy, it will make me look and sound much more masculine.” a small smile grew on his face as he could practically see the gears turning in his friend’s head.

“Okay, let me see if I got this right, you’re a guy and you want us to refer to you as Jay, and you’re thinking of medically transitioning?” They laughed, making a so-so gesture with their hand.

“The technical term is nonbinary, meaning I’m not a girl _or_ a guy, but I’m much more comfortable being seen as a guy. That’s why I said they/them or he/him earlier is fine.” A little “ _ooh, okay”_ left Alex’s lips, as he quickly turned around to grab his laptop. Grinning, Jay felt himself loosen up a lot (he’s forgotten about everyone else there) as Alex went into, what Jay has affectionately dubbed, Research Mode™. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a raised hand- as if this was a classroom. “Uh… yea, Seth?”

“Does that mean you’re gay?” unable to help himself, he burst out laughing at the bluntness of the question. He knew that they were genuinely curious and trying to learn though, so he was proud of that fact.

“Yes, that means I’m gay.” he notices Alex freeze up in the corner of his eye, and sudden fear struck him. He knew that he would accept him being trans, but that didn’t stop the irrational ‘ _oh god, he hates you, he’s not going to want to be your friend_ ’ that sped through his mind. Alex looked up slowly from his computer.

“Jay, you don’t happen to have a binder, do you? Is that why you get your chest so flat when you’re wearing a T-shirt?” All his anxiety allowed him to do was nod. “Great! Because it says here not to wear it for more than eight hours.” Oh _no_ \- he was getting _scolded_. The thought almost had him laughing again. “And do you know how long we do our shoots for sometimes, how long we stay up at the campus, or how long we hang out?” Alex’s voice took on his classic ‘I’m going to beat common sense into you no matter what’ tone. “That is _way longer than eight hours_ _Jay_!”

“In my defense, I don’t do it that often!”

“Doesn’t matter, that shit’s not healthy!” Laughing, Jay turned around to face the others.

“Anyway- does anyone else have questions they’d like to ask?” Getting a chorus of ‘ _no_ ’s from the rest and an angry _‘don’t ignore me, Merrick!’_ He leaned back in his spot. He had everyone right here with him, including Alex.

Yea, things would be alright.


End file.
